What To Do If Your Parents Are Fighting

by Lizzy Dolan and Banita Giri
Grade 6, Frances C. Richmond School
Hanover, NH 03755

We are only human, so it is almost impossible not to get in fights. Parents are also human and also have hard times. Here are some suggestions of things to think about if your parents are fighting.Is it a fight or a debate? What are they fighting about? What can I do? Are they fighting about anything to do with me ? Is the issue any of my business?

Let’s take them one at a time.Are they fighting or debating?SOMETIMES parents debate about politics and stuff and you think they are fighting, but really they are debating about adult stuff.

What are they fighting about?

Bills? Budgets and money are usually things you don’t need to worry about unless they are really important or they want you to be involved.

You? If they’re fighting about you, you might want to join in. Ask them. Try talking to them about it more often.

Relationships? If you think their relationship is deteriorating, try talking about it with them. Maybe you need to be the head of the conversation for once.

Weather? The weather is a rare topic for people to argue about, but it does happen. Don’t bother trying to interfere.

What can you do?Try to relax them and yourself. When people are fighting, they are usually pretty tense, so if you just calm them down, they can discuss why they are fighting without yelling.Do you really need to do anything? If it’s something that you can help solve, you should try. If it won’t make much difference if you try to help, then try anyway . Remember, everybody can make a difference.

But sometimes it is not something that you need to get involved in or need to know about.If it’s one of those things, leave them alone, but make it clear you want them to resolve things peacefully.Are they fighting about anything to do with you?Your grades? Your behavior? Your friends? Your clothes?If it has anything to do with you, definitely get involved. After all, it is you they’re fighting about!Is it your business?Do you really need to get involved?

THE NUMBER ONE RULE IS: Your parents don’t know how you feel. They’re not psychic! So talk to them! Tell them how you feel!

Ways to tell them how you feel

"I really hate it when you guys fight about...""I wish that we could all find a way to talk this out without yelling.""I really don’t like it when you fight. It scares me.""Please help me under-stand the problem so I am in-formed.""Please don’t fight so much!""If you are fighting, please try to do it when I am not around!""Please don’t fight. It makes me cry! Boo hoo!""If you are fighting about something personal, tell me nicely. Don’t lie and do it when I’m not around. "

"Please don’t think of "smart" remarks to throw at me!"

What you said

Here’s what some of you said when we asked your opinions:

When asked if your parents fight a lot 60% said no, 20% said sometimes, and 20% said yes.

When asked what they fight about, you said: money, business, jobs, behavior, you, younger siblings, neighbors, asking directions, hygiene and parking spots.

When asked if you tend to get involved, 40% said no, 20% said sometimes and 40% said yes.

When asked if you wanted to get involved 20% said no and 30% said yes..

When asked if you took sides, and whose, 20% said no, 20% said sometimes, and 60% said yes, Half of you sided with your mom.

We hope this article has or will help you. with parent problems!

 

From Middle School Matters, Frances C. Richmond School, Hanover, NH, November, 2004